I’ve been quiet over the past couple of months because I have felt uncomfortable to speak out until now. I have only told close friends and family where I have been since coming out of hospital in June after an episode of Cholangitis.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I was advised to gain weight in order to be listed for transplantation. This was never seen as an easy task so I felt I required professional support in order to gain. It had been mentioned that I should consider inpatient eating disorder treatment due to struggles over the years. I have never viewed my weight as an issue, as i became used to my unhealthy routines. Luckily, in order to be listed, things had to change. It was the push I needed after years of denial. I took the advice and was admitted a week later.
I’ve nearly finished my therapy and have reached my goal weight.
I feel a million times better and I’m able to get through the day without the need to nap constantly. I look back and think… ‘why did I do this to myself?’, ‘how did i manage the way I did?’.
Obviously there are always psychological reasons why I struggled but over time it becomes engraved into your head and digs a deeper hole you struggle to get out of. It’s been months of addressing my fears and coming face to face with reality. I’ve particularly found it helpful to understand the scientific reasons why we are fed 7 times a day and require the amount we are given. After a while, I started to see each meal as medicine. It was our prescription to cure our illness.
I’ve nearly completed treatment and as physically and mentally exhausting it has been, it has been one of the best things I have ever done. I’ve had such incredible support from staff and patients at the unit and have made some great friends. However I couldn’t have got this far without the support of Nate (boyfriend), Maya, Harriet, Mum and Dad.
I know I will keep up a healthy weight as I look back now I realise what I put myself through. I’m able to experience life to the fullest now. I have got my sense of humour back, I have developed new hobbies and most importantly, healthier, so that I have the chance to be listed again.
This morning I was woken at 6am to be weighed. I used to feel extremely anxious about weigh days, but now, I find it quite easy, most of the time. This is just one of the small signs of improvement I have made.
Yey to a healthier me! 😊<<
vratri – Hindu festival 23.09.17