Just when you convince yourself that life is just too hard to deal with, I can’t stress to you how important it is to seek support from another. This is how my tears soon dried out and my mood converting to happiness. How much strength someones wise words can give you is indescribable. I’m lucky to have a few shoulders to lean and cry on, a strong family bond and siblings who give up time and effort to make sure I remain positive.
I believe my outlook on life had started to improve since I fell ill last autumn, but within the past couple of months, things have knocked me about. I won’t go into detail about what these ‘things’ are, but my happiness, confidence and outlook on life has suffered. You only realise how much things take its toll when you start to give up, believe that all you’re put on earth to do is struggle and believe that everything is out to get you.
You start to question what it is you have done in life that causes you to have to suffer. Maybe it’s because I didn’t eat all my vegetables when I was younger. I could have accidentally missed a single magpie flying by itself, so unable to salute it to prevent the famous rhyme (one for sorrow, two for joy….) from become true. Or, perhaps karma hit me when I cut my sisters orange suitcase with scissors for some reason I forget.
No it developed before all that happened, it hit me from birth and it’s what makes me, me. Who cares if my spleen is enlarged, so much so it presses on my ribs and stomach causing them to stick out. Who is actually going to stop and say, “What is that! Why have you got a weird body shape like that?! It looks ugly and freak like!!”
No one! I guarantee it!….and like my sister says, “it’s not a ‘real’ problem, it’s all in your head”.
But yes…, there are days where I tear myself apart and let myself think that life is unfair. You just need to make sure that you know you’re not alone. The fact you are alive and was born into a world full of excitement, positivity and beauty is a miracle in itself. Think about what you have achieved, your strengths, what you like about yourself, friends, family and loved ones. You need to remember to embrace that and that you aren’t alone. There is always someone who cares, even when it feels like no one does.
Screenshot of chat after my sister phoned me when I was in floods of tears.